lambai-lambai kat semester 8

uhuk uhuk uhuk uhuk

mak aihhhhhh, banyaknya habuk(sambil tangan lap habuk)

ngenggggg

cliche sangat tu..

well, alhamdulillah..
hari ni genaplah 5 hari berkampung semula kat rumah sewa ni.. balik awal sebab kengkonon nak siapkan psm awal sikit la

tapiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

hampehhhhh, sebabnya

mood belum mari wehhh....

yela, keadaan kiri kanan rumah sewa aku yang takde orang..semester start 23hb ni, mana taknya diorg yang lain tu still berjimba kat rumah masing-masing nun sana ha. 

well,hampir sebulan jugakla stay kt rumah nun sana ha.. sesi menggemukkan badan yang memang sedia ala-ala "sado" ni ha..hahaha..

hm, sebulan tu jugak la i jadi bridesmaid majlis wed kawan sekolah dolu-dolu

"TAHNIAH SYAZA SEBAB DAH JADI ISTERI ORANG.. HAPPY 1ST MONTHSARY" 

rasa mcm tak percaya pun ada..yela, rasanya macam baru semalam je habis spm, lepas tu memasing sibuk apply kerja partime sana-sini. termasuk la aku..

la ni pumpang-pumpang, aku dah tinggal 1 semester je lagi sebelum officially graduate.. tak sabarnya nak konvo.. pakai jubah, dapat bunga.

actually, dulu aku ni tersangatla takde keinginan nak masuk universiti melainkan dengan sebab semata nak pakai baju konvo tu dengan dapat bunga bebanyak je

haaa, nampak tak betapa jahiliahnya aku time dolu-dolu...

siap cakap kat ayah aku lagi..

"ayah, nanti time org konvo nak jangan lupa bagi bunga bebanyak tau"

heuheu, la ni bila umur makin meningkat baru la ada misi dan visi dalam hidup. lalalalala..

alhamdulillah, aku dah pun selamat dengan status umur "23 tahun"..

tua dah mak nakkkk..

apa-apa pun semoga allah perkenankan doa aku supaya dapat grad on time plus grad dengan 3 pointer ke atas la.. ameen..

u all doakan i ye..

lots love...

opppsss, lupa! ni ha sekeping dua gambar majlis untuk tatapan u all yang tercinta sempena majlis kahwin kawan i tu ye.. here we go! taraaa

credit : mira

free style by the bridemaids gang!

fight!

semoga "permata" menjadi pendorong untuk terus bertahan! fight for the last semester!

Terdampar jauh dihempas badai ku hanyut
Hati merintih terkunci mulut membisu
Perjalanan yang jauh bagai tiada sudahnya
Liku ranjau ku tempuh dalam mencari jawapan

Di sudut kecil hatiku sering berkata
Apa yang terjadi ada hikmah sebaliknya
Ku beranikan diri menongkah arus yang deras
Demi hari esok ku relakan

Walau tiada tangan menghulur
Kan ku tetap berdiri teguh ku bangkit semula
Tuhan, hanya engkau mengerti
Perjalanan hidup seorang insan

Kini ku jauh memetik bintang di langit
Berakhir musim dingin kini mekar bunga indah
Tinggallah memori terpahat di dalam dada
Terjawab sudah segalanya

Walau tiada tangan menghulur
Kan ku tetap berdiri teguh ku bangkit semula
Tuhan, hanya engkau mengerti
Perjalanan hidup seorang insan

Aku hanya ingin merasa
Kemanisan hidup di dunia yang kudambakan
Tuhan, hanya engkau mengerti
Perjalanan hidup seorang insan

Walau tiada tangan menghulur
Kan ku tetap berdiri teguh
Ku bangkit semula
Hanya titipkanlah doa
Agar permataku terus bersinar
Agar permataku terus bersinar 

*BYSALMA_MENTOR

credit to google

tiada tajuk

hi all... how's your day?? is it went well? i'm just officially finished my semester 7... and wuuuuu this mean that i got another 1 semester to go before completing my degree.. may allah bless and ease my way.. hopefully there will be no "repeat2" paper la..

yesterday was my last paper computer system engineering.. don't know exactly what to say about that paper. easy?? hard?? hurmmmm... feels like i cant performed well for my last paper...until now i still cant move on from my guilty & "uneasy" feeling.. i don't want the last 2semester "memory" happened again for my semester7.. those "kind" of thing really haunted me until now.. 

"berusaha, doa dan tawakkal. the rest let ALLAH take over it" but problem right now is i'm afraid to face the reality if one or two out of my 5 papers got "fail" or "E". for sure it will be my " SCARIEST NIGHTMARE" for this semester. 

some people may said:

              "live is more than just a paper"

yeas, exactly! more than just a paper. but did u realize that, for what u had done today, the impact will come a day afterward? dear, people u must watch out your mouth and mind your words before it might hurt others.

may ALLAH ease

2nd January 2015.. 19 days more to go before turning to 23.. 


u all guess what????

       i got my abg sado..opppss, not really so sado la..

first of all, i would to take this opportunity to say million thanks to my special one "mr.popeye" and INSYAALLAH to be revealed for the next 3 years..

dear you, 

thanks for your willingness drove all over from your hometown and coming to see me. lucky u just had your "training break" for a week at that time. at first, sumpah! i thought it just u wanna kidding me.. but i didn't expect that it turn into the real one when i can see u face to face...standing in front, talking and share your story with me thanks so much sayang! alhamdulillah, finally, i can see u after almost 1year++ didnt met since the last eid celebration before u undergone your aussie trip..

dear you, 

i am sorry, for every my wrongdoings, spoken words or anything that may hurt u since the last time we met. ya, at some moment i can be so childish. but thanks again for keep on entertained me.. making me laugh and smile non stop while had time together and we had "jalan-jalan" at pasar malam.. silly me (mana tak silly, penat2 je mandi lepas tu we all got "new perfume"..bau ayam percik + asap). being with him, i just need to be myself. i can act the way iam. no need to be other person or "bajet ayu". in fact that, we had been a friend since primary school. of course la we are a classmate too and he know well my "perangai" which sometime like a "gangster" maybe. yes, i'm quite a rough girl in person. people who do not know me very well, will simply said that i'm quite strict plus "sombong".  

dear you,

please take a good care of yourself and your heart too. i dont know what the future bring within this 3 years. but i'm hoping that it will last with the sweetest moment between us. may allah grant us with a bless and blissful "relationship". 

dear you,

u're my birthday present in advance! what a surprise.. never thought this could be turn into the reality as i wish that i could see u even just a seconds. but when u ask me:

    "what present would u want be as your birthday present?" 

at that moment, all i can do is just "terkebil-kebil" coz i really don't have the most "perfect" answer for the question *iguess. im out of my words and in return, i'm just smile instead of answering your question. with u standing beside me, i could never ask for more. darl, tq so much again.

dear you,
INSYAALLAH, i'll always be by your side and pray for your happiness, and career. well, your career sometime need u to be far from your family..and even me sometime seem like can't stand with this unbearable feeling that i miss u so much. 

"bila kau pilih untuk kahwin dengan dia maknanya kau kena kahwin dengan family, karier and hidup dia" 

this is what i'm trying to practice, to stand still by his side, i need to be well mentally and physically prepared. being a navy's wife in future INSYAALLAH, u need to consider and think deeply (honestly,aku yg belum sah jadi wife dia ni pun selalu jgak la meleleh airmata tak tahan rindu sangat kat dia)
some people simply said to me better for me to look for other person that could always stay beside me all the time. but even this LDR is quite tough and not easy for unmarried person like us but i think this could be a better way to teach me to be a honest , more independent i guess..maybe.

"...a good spouse to be, it is not necessary a handsome/pretty one. it is enough if u could find someone with "good looking" because of his/her akhlak. the one can stand by your side through rainy or sunny day and can guide you to the right path. then, he/she will captive your eyes with those kind of things.." #quotemerepekbyme


short conversation while we are in his car:

actually, dia ni in person jarang serius dengan aku time kitorg "date" (not so really date, sng kata xde pun istilah date tu officially utk we all) but at certain time, he will turn to serious person (the part that im not so favour. yela tak boleh nak "memanja") 

he: awak, sorry sangat-sangat sebab tak boleh jumpa awak lama *guilty face

me: ok, dont take it seriously. sy faham (smile, aku mmg xboleh org say sorry ni, nnt nak nangis je rasa)

he: awak, sy memang busy sangat, tapi awak jgn lupa text sy tau..cepat ke lambat sy mesti reply.

me: insyaallah..tapi sedih la sebab awak selalu takde. busy je memanjang.
*me muka sedih

he: nak buat cam mana awak, navy kan? nanti awk datang time sy tauliah ea?

me: tauliah? insyaallah, tapi bulan berapa? sebab takut time tu, sy ada hal lain. PSM kan?

he: bulan 4. nanti awk sekali dgn family sy.

me: blinking eyes. errrr, tengok la nanti mcm mana.

he: nodded *habit biasa dia la tu.

part serious about future

he: awak, sy nk bgtau something ni. paling cepat utk kahwin, lagi 3tahun. 

me: HM, 3 tahun? 
*monolog: 3tahun? hm, sempat aku kerja & kumpul aset sikit2.

he: lepas tauliah, sy nak kerja, beli kereta & rumah. tapi sy 3thun atas kapal at least utk komesen. tapi rumah xtau plak nak beli kat mana. 

me: uwaaaaa, lamanya. why la undang2 navy mcm tu??
*bukan sedih sbb kahwin lambat cuma memikirkan nanti dia terlalu busy dlm tempoh 3tahun tu.

he: klau 3tahun, maknanya 26/27 la kita kahwin.

me: yeayy, sbb sy planning pun nk dlm range umr tu. at least dah ada aset2 sikit2. lagipun ayh sy mmg nak sy kerja dulu pun. tapiiii, sy confuse. nak smbg master ke kerja dulu.. klau master paling cepat +/- 2tahun la cam tu.

he: untgla boleh smbg, klau navy kne kerja dlu baru boleh smbg. tapi klau 3thun tu, maknanya awk dh hbs master la kn?

me: nodded. haah, insyaallah la tu pun kalau sy smbg master la.
:
:
:
:
:
:
lepastu kitorg sambung la merepek-merepek..thats the one that i love about him. he know how to act as different person according to the situation.

most of hiS fav words all the time : "awak tak takut dengan sy ke? sy garang ok."

bye 2014, hello 2015

hi all! pejam celik, dah 2015 rupanya.. 2014 baru sehari kita tinggalkan, terima kasih atas segala memori yang tercurah sepanjang 2014 tak kira la suka atau duka.. cehhhhh, macam la lame beno 2014 kau tinggalkan najwa! padahal tak sampai 24jam pun lagi tinggalkan 2014 tu. heuheu..sorry la kiah terover excited..maka dengan ini kiah umumkan bahawa secara rasminya ini juga official entry 1st kiah untuk tahun 2015 ni..hewhewhew..

well, ini bermakna, lagi 20 hari je kiah akan say good bye to 22, and hello 23... sob,sob,sob.. i'm not daddy's little girl anymore.. may 23 bring more happiness, strength and joyous to me.. hmmm, orang lain ada je yang baru merasa masuk umur 22 tapi aku, menghitung hari untuk tinggalkan 22 plak..hahahhah.. syukur la sebab, walaupun aku ni umur angka gedabak, tapi orang ramai yang tegur aku mesti salah sangka ingatkan aku nu junior kt universiti.. hahahah, paling tak pun ada sedara mara yang still aku ni student primary school.. well, nampak tak ke"awet mudaan" aku tu??? dengan tinggi aku yang just 147cm je, memang dan2 la orang bersangka macam tu..

ini realiti yang aku sendiri kena masa raya "tahun lepas" a.k.a penghujung bulan 7 hari tu, one of my aunt tanya "awak darjah berapa??" aku apa lagi dengan muka pelik plus dalam otak ada BIG QUESTION MARK a.k.a "??????" 

sempatla dok bermonolog dalam hati, "takkan la aku yang pakai baju ala-ala mokcik-mokcik @ akak-akak ni still nampak cam budak sekolah rendah lagi??" 

sebenarnya takdela macam makcik2 sangat pun..heuheu..well,nak buat macam mana kan dah takdir allah, anak no.2 dalam family aku ni bantut(aku la tu) hahaha..tapi takpe, sebab aku suka.. tu bermakna iam limited! be jelly please...

hm, pastu ade la orang dok post pasal sifat2 anak no.2 ni.u all pun mesti pernah terbaca jugak kan?? takkan takde.. kalau takde sat!

copy pasta...credit: to qhesahgadisbongsu

hmmmm, xdela 100% tepat sangat dgn diri aku.. yang agak tepat 1,2 and 4 je describe diri aku.... yang lain outtttt...hahahaha

okkk...till here, nak pi buat kerja lain pulak dahhh.. 

do pray for me for my final exam okk,

thankss,

lots love

credit: google img

dear YOU

tik tok, tik tok, tik tok 

the clock ticking unstoppable.. yes, in reality u may stop the clock from ticking by removing the battery but did u realize that for the REAL one, it is unstoppable..

u gonna have pass through what had chosen for u,
ALLAH,the almighty who keep monitoring all over the world,
HE never left us aside,
in the sorrow, sadness, happiness,
HE never hurt u..

previously, i never thought that i could reach this level. never thought that i'll be one of them further the study at the university, living in the "all in one" environment.. full of joyous, sadness sometime. NO! i never thought i could reach it.. how time flies so fast, soon i'm gonna be 23 and for the next 3 years maybe i will be someone's wife and a mother to my cute junior of me and husband..

i never know who is my right man?? honestly saying that first love is hard to forget and hard to be accepted that we are not meant to be together.. 6 years relationship ended with nothing. but as the time passed by, i had learned something that " whatever u thought u had planned the best, HE had planned the better for u afterward" i keep on saying this repeatedly to myself every time and everyday whenever i feel hurt deep inside my heart. soon, i "recover" from those kind of feeling and could accepted it. 

with YOU, 

i hope that the "relationship" will end with something sweet in my life. people may keep saying that u're "nothing" but i can see "something" hidden in yourself. something that can't be described by word and the one whom feel it. 

Dear YOU,

i hope that u'll always take a good care of yourself,

i hope that u'll be the one which will be my imam,

i hope that u'll be the one which will guide my through the life to be a better person as well as a good wife in  the future.

i may not know what the future will be,

but i hope that u'll the one in my future,

distance separates us but the distance too tighten us in dhu'a,

"please take care of your heart"

masih kurang..

     mungkin, masa aku tulis entry ni aku dalam mood yang bercampur aduk..dont know how exactly i feel & dont even know how to describe it...apa yang aku rasa saat ni ialah diri aku ni sangat useless..iam so sorry..sampai saat umur aku hampir menginjak 23tahun, masih takde satu benda pun yang mampu aku banggakan hasil usaha sendiri.. kalau orang lain, mungkin umur macam aku ni dah ada kereta sendiri, pekerjaan yang tetap..tapi aku???? ijazah pun belum lepas lagi nak dapat.. masih terkial-kial pi kelas, buat assignment pun loqlaq-loqlaq..entahla.. 

      being a second daughter of family is not something so awesome..but i'm glad & thankful for everything i had all this while..well said, i just have a sister that already get married.. automatically, i'll the one whom my family hope for gaining a better life,future..macam pak dengan mak lain la, kalau sorg anak dah kahwin, mestila diorang harap anak diorang yang sorang lagi tu mampu walaupun tak banyak tapi at least boleh repay diorang balik.. well, aku sebagai anak pun memang ada perasaan yang sama, yela takkan nak senang sorang-sorang plak lepas dah berjaya ada ijazah and kerja bagai.. tapi aku tahu,

aku anak yang banyak menitiskan keringat mereka,

masih kurang jasa aku terhadap mereka,

aku anak yang banyak menyusahkan mereka,

masih kurang yang aku beri kepada mereka,

aku anak yang mungkin kurang dalam tutur kata,

masih kurang kemaafan darinya,

saat ada yang menuding jari kepadaku,

aku sedar kerdilnya aku,

tanpa ada seorang yang cuba memahami,

tanpa ada seorang yang cuba mendengar cerita,

tanpa ada seorang yang cuba berkongsi rasa,

masih kurang dalam semuanya.

aku manusia biasa cuma,

aku manusia terkadang kecewa,

aku manusia biasa yang punya rasa dihati,

masih kurang SEMUANYA,
aku sedar itu..